The other day, I was driving in the car with my wife and my two daughters. The older one, recently turned four years old, began telling us a story about... well, I'm sure it was about something, but I had a lot of trouble following her.
As both a parent and an early elementary school teacher, I've learned to focus on tone of voice, hand gestures, and other cues to help fill in the spaces left blank by children's various speech impediments. If you're just listening to the words and sounds coming from their mouths, you're probably not getting the right story.
So older daughter was talking, and suddenly her tone became very serious, almost cautionary, and she began talking about crossing the street. "And, you know, cuz when you cross the street, you always look both ways, otherwise the bus can drive and the trucks or cars and you always look this way and that way and both ways when you cross the street, right Daddy?"
"Right, hon," I agreed, happy that she had internalized the repeated lessons regarding safety while crossing the street.
"Yeah," concurred my three-year-old, nodding her head up and down wisely, "Cuz else you get hit by a car and your head hurts and you die."
Wow, I thought to myself. That got really serious really quickly.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Shine On
I like to look at sappy, uplifting pictures and videos on a regular basis as a reminder of the good in the world.
See, for years I used to go to great lengths to mask my essential optimism and romanticism about life because I was terrified of being so open with other people. I thought that I had to present a tough, cynical front to the world in order to protect myself against the harm others would do to me. It wasn't long before cynicism ceased being a mask and soon became who I was. In the span of just a couple of years I had gone from being a decent, nice, fun-loving person to one who no longer cared to be around others, one who openly mocked everyone and everything that he saw, one who scowled and sneered more than he smiled.
It wasn't long before the mask that I wore soon became my real face. It was no longer a front, but my true self. I wasn't capable of realizing it at the time, but my fear of being hurt had turned me into a foul creature, a thing of darkness that was terrified of the light. I had essentially turned myself into a Gremlin. I became a mean, isolated, selfish, self-involved, hateful alcoholic.
The worst part was how deeply I hated myself.
For years I had lived on the memories of the wonderful things I had done when I was younger, telling myself that I was still that person. While in high school, I had volunteered several days a week at a day care center in an economically-depressed neighborhood. I had regularly worked at soup kitchens. I led the Amnesty International Chapter at school. I did things, I was involved with the world around me, and I loved it. After I graduated from college, I packed my bags and moved to Taiwan on a whim. I stayed there for a year, teaching English and exploring the city of Taipei, and then moved to Quito, Ecuador for a while.
When I returned home to Chicago, however, things began to spiral out of control. I started drinking more, I stopped venturing outside so often, I began to have terrible anxiety that soon progressed into panic attacks, and I fell into a severe depression. Over the next several years, things just got worse for me, to the point that I was pretty much a permanent stumbling drunk. I didn't want to see my children or my wife, and I fantasized about running away and starting over in a different country.
Fortunately, I hit bottom and sought help. I've been sober for nineteen months now, my anxiety has mostly been tamed, and I've rejoined the ranks of the living. The point is that there are a lot of people out there who are suffering, and they're paralyzed by their pain. Please know that it can get better. You can help to pull yourself out of your funk and start anew. People all over the world do it everyday. You're not to blame for your situation. You didn't make yourself depressed or anxious, and you didn't decide to become an alcoholic or an addict. You are suffering from a disease, albeit a disease that has a horrible social stigma attached to it.
If you do need help, please seek it. It's out there. There are literally millions of people all over the world who are ready, eager, and trained to help you regain your self. Don't wait another day. You aren't meant to suffer for another moment.
Returning to my initial point, here are twenty-five pictures of people doing wonderful things. I would look at these when I was at my lowest and they would bring tears to my eyes. It was a small ray of light that had somehow pierced the cloud cover that had surrounded me, reminding me that the Sun is always shining, even on the darkest of days.
ENJOY.
See, for years I used to go to great lengths to mask my essential optimism and romanticism about life because I was terrified of being so open with other people. I thought that I had to present a tough, cynical front to the world in order to protect myself against the harm others would do to me. It wasn't long before cynicism ceased being a mask and soon became who I was. In the span of just a couple of years I had gone from being a decent, nice, fun-loving person to one who no longer cared to be around others, one who openly mocked everyone and everything that he saw, one who scowled and sneered more than he smiled.
It wasn't long before the mask that I wore soon became my real face. It was no longer a front, but my true self. I wasn't capable of realizing it at the time, but my fear of being hurt had turned me into a foul creature, a thing of darkness that was terrified of the light. I had essentially turned myself into a Gremlin. I became a mean, isolated, selfish, self-involved, hateful alcoholic.
The worst part was how deeply I hated myself.
For years I had lived on the memories of the wonderful things I had done when I was younger, telling myself that I was still that person. While in high school, I had volunteered several days a week at a day care center in an economically-depressed neighborhood. I had regularly worked at soup kitchens. I led the Amnesty International Chapter at school. I did things, I was involved with the world around me, and I loved it. After I graduated from college, I packed my bags and moved to Taiwan on a whim. I stayed there for a year, teaching English and exploring the city of Taipei, and then moved to Quito, Ecuador for a while.
When I returned home to Chicago, however, things began to spiral out of control. I started drinking more, I stopped venturing outside so often, I began to have terrible anxiety that soon progressed into panic attacks, and I fell into a severe depression. Over the next several years, things just got worse for me, to the point that I was pretty much a permanent stumbling drunk. I didn't want to see my children or my wife, and I fantasized about running away and starting over in a different country.
Fortunately, I hit bottom and sought help. I've been sober for nineteen months now, my anxiety has mostly been tamed, and I've rejoined the ranks of the living. The point is that there are a lot of people out there who are suffering, and they're paralyzed by their pain. Please know that it can get better. You can help to pull yourself out of your funk and start anew. People all over the world do it everyday. You're not to blame for your situation. You didn't make yourself depressed or anxious, and you didn't decide to become an alcoholic or an addict. You are suffering from a disease, albeit a disease that has a horrible social stigma attached to it.
If you do need help, please seek it. It's out there. There are literally millions of people all over the world who are ready, eager, and trained to help you regain your self. Don't wait another day. You aren't meant to suffer for another moment.
Returning to my initial point, here are twenty-five pictures of people doing wonderful things. I would look at these when I was at my lowest and they would bring tears to my eyes. It was a small ray of light that had somehow pierced the cloud cover that had surrounded me, reminding me that the Sun is always shining, even on the darkest of days.
ENJOY.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Truthful Tweets About Parenting
Cheezburger has a great collection of tweets about parenting from parents. If you have children of your own, I'm pretty sure that you'll enjoy both the wisdom and the humor in these tweets. If you don't have children, then please, sleep in tomorrow morning. Enjoy yourself. Live your life. It all comes to a screeching halt once the kids arrive.
Truthful Tweets About Parenting
Truthful Tweets About Parenting
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Now Wouldn't This Be Interesting?
It seems to me that what one thinks regarding the possibilities of extra-terrestrial intelligence should depend a lot on whether or not one believes the universe to be infinite. That is, if the universe truly is infinite - and our current understanding of the universe seems to be that it is, in fact, infinite - then, by definition, life must exist in other parts of the universe.
Follow me here. If the universe is infinite, that means, more or less, that it continues on forever. It never stops. It just keeps going and going and going. Given this, there have to be Earth-like planets in the universe. There have to be other planets capable of supporting technologically-advanced life. In fact, if the universe is truly infinite, then there will be other versions of this exact planet and other versions of you and everyone that you love, albeit with certain changes.
This, of course, is an entirely separate question from whether one believes that such technologically-advanced civilizations have traversed time and space in order to visit Earth and, upon descending through the atmosphere of what is obviously a planet with a technologically-capable life form, have decided to make a curious attempt to contact us by etching stupid designs in cornfields and anally-probing bumpkins that they pick up on deserted country roads.
Hmmm.
The Atlantic has very interesting story about a mysterious star in our own Milky Way Galaxy. The Kepler Telescope has been staring at this star for four years now, and has sent back images that have astronomers curious about a phenomenon that cannot be easily explained.
Okay. The way that astronomers look for planets in the universe is by staring at stars and waiting for the light that they emit to be briefly blocked by an orbiting planets. When this happens, they can look more closely to determine certain characteristics of these planets: size, composition, etc.
While doing this, it seems that they have noticed what appears to be a big, unruly mass of matter circling this star in our very own galaxy. Among many potential explanations for this phenomenon, one that the lead astronomer rates as "possible" is that it could be a mass of comets circling the star that haven't yet been sucked into the star and destroyed.
An alternative possibility is that these are artificial satellites that are circling the star in an attempt by a nearby civilization to capture and harness energy from the star.
Stick with me here. There's this thing called the Kardashev scale. This is a theoretical scale that rates civilizations based on their ability to harness energy. Civilizations are then classified as Type I, II, or III. A Type I civilization is capable of utilizing all energy resources on its home planet. A Type II civilization can harness all of the energy emitted by its star, and a Type III civilization can harness all of the energy of its home galaxy. Earth is not yet a fully Type I civilization. According to some calculations, Earth right now would qualify as a Type 0.7 civilization. Scientists do not believe that Type III civilizations exist, at least in our corner of the universe.
Got it?
If (and this is a huge, enormous, colossal if) this star is truly being circled by artificial satellites that can harness its energy for the benefit of a nearby civilization, then we will have discovered a Type I+ civilization, possibly a Type II civilization.
Obviously, much more study is needed before anybody will be able to make a determination as to what it is that's causing this strange disturbance in the light pattern emitted from the star. Until then, there is nothing left to do but dream and wonder and hope that we somehow stumble upon a means of not destroying ourselves before we are able to further advance.
Follow me here. If the universe is infinite, that means, more or less, that it continues on forever. It never stops. It just keeps going and going and going. Given this, there have to be Earth-like planets in the universe. There have to be other planets capable of supporting technologically-advanced life. In fact, if the universe is truly infinite, then there will be other versions of this exact planet and other versions of you and everyone that you love, albeit with certain changes.
This, of course, is an entirely separate question from whether one believes that such technologically-advanced civilizations have traversed time and space in order to visit Earth and, upon descending through the atmosphere of what is obviously a planet with a technologically-capable life form, have decided to make a curious attempt to contact us by etching stupid designs in cornfields and anally-probing bumpkins that they pick up on deserted country roads.
Hmmm.
The Atlantic has very interesting story about a mysterious star in our own Milky Way Galaxy. The Kepler Telescope has been staring at this star for four years now, and has sent back images that have astronomers curious about a phenomenon that cannot be easily explained.
Okay. The way that astronomers look for planets in the universe is by staring at stars and waiting for the light that they emit to be briefly blocked by an orbiting planets. When this happens, they can look more closely to determine certain characteristics of these planets: size, composition, etc.
While doing this, it seems that they have noticed what appears to be a big, unruly mass of matter circling this star in our very own galaxy. Among many potential explanations for this phenomenon, one that the lead astronomer rates as "possible" is that it could be a mass of comets circling the star that haven't yet been sucked into the star and destroyed.
An alternative possibility is that these are artificial satellites that are circling the star in an attempt by a nearby civilization to capture and harness energy from the star.
Stick with me here. There's this thing called the Kardashev scale. This is a theoretical scale that rates civilizations based on their ability to harness energy. Civilizations are then classified as Type I, II, or III. A Type I civilization is capable of utilizing all energy resources on its home planet. A Type II civilization can harness all of the energy emitted by its star, and a Type III civilization can harness all of the energy of its home galaxy. Earth is not yet a fully Type I civilization. According to some calculations, Earth right now would qualify as a Type 0.7 civilization. Scientists do not believe that Type III civilizations exist, at least in our corner of the universe.
Got it?
If (and this is a huge, enormous, colossal if) this star is truly being circled by artificial satellites that can harness its energy for the benefit of a nearby civilization, then we will have discovered a Type I+ civilization, possibly a Type II civilization.
Obviously, much more study is needed before anybody will be able to make a determination as to what it is that's causing this strange disturbance in the light pattern emitted from the star. Until then, there is nothing left to do but dream and wonder and hope that we somehow stumble upon a means of not destroying ourselves before we are able to further advance.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
T.I. and Apologies
Mediocre rapper T.I. apologized for making amazingly sexist comments regarding Hillary Clinton's bid to become President. He said
“Not to be sexist but, I can’t vote for the leader of the free world to be a woman,” he said. “Just because, every other position that exists, I think a woman could do well. But the president? It’s kinda like, I just know that women make rash decisions emotionally – they make very permanent, cemented decisions – and then later, it’s kind of like it didn’t happen, or they didn’t mean for it to happen. And I sure would hate to just set off a nuke. [Other leaders] will not be able to negotiate the right kinds of foreign policy; the world ain’t ready yet. I think you might be able to the Lochness Monster elected before you could [get a woman].”
Well, at least he began his diatribe with "Not to be sexist, but..."
And as for his apologizing, that's great. Wonderful. Thank you for apologizing after sharing your awful line of thinking with the world. You're an idiot, case closed.
But when are we going to get an apology for your true crime against humanity? You are the criminal responsible for unleashing Iggy Azalea on the general population of the world, and I, for one, will never, ever forgive you for that.
“Not to be sexist but, I can’t vote for the leader of the free world to be a woman,” he said. “Just because, every other position that exists, I think a woman could do well. But the president? It’s kinda like, I just know that women make rash decisions emotionally – they make very permanent, cemented decisions – and then later, it’s kind of like it didn’t happen, or they didn’t mean for it to happen. And I sure would hate to just set off a nuke. [Other leaders] will not be able to negotiate the right kinds of foreign policy; the world ain’t ready yet. I think you might be able to the Lochness Monster elected before you could [get a woman].”
Well, at least he began his diatribe with "Not to be sexist, but..."
And as for his apologizing, that's great. Wonderful. Thank you for apologizing after sharing your awful line of thinking with the world. You're an idiot, case closed.
But when are we going to get an apology for your true crime against humanity? You are the criminal responsible for unleashing Iggy Azalea on the general population of the world, and I, for one, will never, ever forgive you for that.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Islam and Democracy
Our brave and insightful leaders have, over the past fifteen years, repeatedly told us that Islam is somehow incompatible with democracy. Muslims, the line of thinking goes, are somehow uniquely unqualified to participate in modern democracy because of... well, because of hazy reasons that don't really make a whole lot of sense when analyzed.
Mostly it comes down to the fact that they're just somehow... different. They look different. They speak foreign. They write in squiggly. They don't all wear jean shorts and T-shirts. Some women wear hijabs instead of bad perms and bangs.
Add it all up and one reaches the conclusion that Muslims and modernity simply don't mix.
When this line of argument is advanced, the speaker will quite often point to the obvious, apparent, undeniable sexism that is totally rampant all over the Muslim world. The Muslim world. Take a deep breath and briefly consider how stupid it is to refer to a group of countries as the Muslim world. Now slam your head into a wall three times.
Feel better?
I think it's a useful exercise to consider this line of thinking, this idea that ubiquitous sexism in "The Muslim World" precludes Muslims from participating in democracy.
Quick question: how many female Presidents have the enlightened voters of the Unites States elected?
I will not insult your intelligence by answering that for you.
How many heads of state have the troglodytes of "The Muslim World" elected?
Probably none, right? They were too busy circumcising them and prohibiting them from going to school.
Of course, that's wrong. There have been several female Muslim heads of state:
Benazir Bhutto of Pakistan, 1988-1990 and 1993-1996.
Khalid Zia of Bangladesh, 1991-1996 and 2001-2006.
Tansu Ciller of Turkey , 1993-1996.
Megawati Sukarnoputri of Indonesia, 2001-2004.
Mame Madoir Boye of Senegal, 2001-2002.
Sheikh Hasina of Bangladesh, 2009-present.
Roza Otunbayeva of Kyrgyzstan, 2010-2011.
Atifete Jahjaga of Kosovo, 2011-present.
Please bear in mind that both Bangladesh and Pakistan have elected women multiple times to be head of state. And before your face turns red and you begin to do the pee-pee dance and you point out that women do face some very real challenges while living in some Muslim countries, please note that I am not denying this. This is true.
But please also note that in some areas Muslim women have achieved power and success that their American counterparts have been denied. This is also true.
Mostly it comes down to the fact that they're just somehow... different. They look different. They speak foreign. They write in squiggly. They don't all wear jean shorts and T-shirts. Some women wear hijabs instead of bad perms and bangs.
Add it all up and one reaches the conclusion that Muslims and modernity simply don't mix.
When this line of argument is advanced, the speaker will quite often point to the obvious, apparent, undeniable sexism that is totally rampant all over the Muslim world. The Muslim world. Take a deep breath and briefly consider how stupid it is to refer to a group of countries as the Muslim world. Now slam your head into a wall three times.
Feel better?
I think it's a useful exercise to consider this line of thinking, this idea that ubiquitous sexism in "The Muslim World" precludes Muslims from participating in democracy.
Quick question: how many female Presidents have the enlightened voters of the Unites States elected?
I will not insult your intelligence by answering that for you.
How many heads of state have the troglodytes of "The Muslim World" elected?
Probably none, right? They were too busy circumcising them and prohibiting them from going to school.
Of course, that's wrong. There have been several female Muslim heads of state:
Benazir Bhutto of Pakistan, 1988-1990 and 1993-1996.
Khalid Zia of Bangladesh, 1991-1996 and 2001-2006.
Tansu Ciller of Turkey , 1993-1996.
Megawati Sukarnoputri of Indonesia, 2001-2004.
Mame Madoir Boye of Senegal, 2001-2002.
Sheikh Hasina of Bangladesh, 2009-present.
Roza Otunbayeva of Kyrgyzstan, 2010-2011.
Atifete Jahjaga of Kosovo, 2011-present.
Please bear in mind that both Bangladesh and Pakistan have elected women multiple times to be head of state. And before your face turns red and you begin to do the pee-pee dance and you point out that women do face some very real challenges while living in some Muslim countries, please note that I am not denying this. This is true.
But please also note that in some areas Muslim women have achieved power and success that their American counterparts have been denied. This is also true.
Matisyahu
Okay. So I stumbled upon Matisyahu one day a couple years back completely by accident. When I finally found him, I realized that I had been looking for his music for a long, long time.
Like most of us, he has a long, complicated personal story. Like me, has has suffered from the addiction disease and, like me, while struggling to free himself from his internal demons, he sought and found refuge in spirituality. For Matisyahu, spirituality initially took the guise of orthodox Judaism, and he dedicated himself completely to the exploration of Judaism. He grew out his beard, wore his hair with pe'ot (the side curls), donned a yarmulke, attended synagogue every Sabbath, and was generally very strict with himself.
As a side note, when I first achieved sobriety, I, too, felt that I needed an external set of rules for myself as a means of finding discipline in my life. For most of us who are addicts, by the time we seek help and are able to find the strength within to achieve sobriety, our lives have become unmanageable and chaotic. We have brought pain into our lives and into the lives of everybody around us. We have learned from experience not to trust ourselves, and thus dedicating ourselves wholly to an external set of rules is a logical step in trying to reclaim sovereignty over our lives.
I know that it sounds confused or confusing to try to discover personal sovereignty by giving oneself over to another, but there isn't actually any contradiction here. Addiction is funny like that: it is only when we give up that we finally move towards victory; it is when we seek help from others that we are able to help ourselves; it is when we subvert our own will that we find true freedom.
Perhaps it is contradictory, but that doesn't make it any less true.
Back to Matisyahu... finally sober and moving towards a clear head and a better understanding of himself, he began making music. His music is touching and beautiful and raw and stubbornly optimistic. It is emotional in a way that most popular music is not. He speaks about his love for the world, his dedication to other human beings, his need for a closer relationship with those around him.
Anyway, as he grew and became more comfortable with himself, he began to slowly shed the outward symbols and signs of his inner spirituality, beginning with shaving his beard and cutting his hair. He has not in any sense moved away from Judaism.
I do not want to speak for him, and I do not want to use him as a mirror for my own personal journey, so I will stop there and not conjecture about his motives. He and his music have been a constant inspiration for me. I do not know if I would have gotten sober and stayed sober were it not for Matisyahu, and for that I will forever be grateful.
Here's "One Day," a gorgeous song of his from 2009.
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