Dance Break

Octonauts

Okay. This children’s show has a straightforward premise: a group of (mostly) mammals (a polar bear, a housecat, a penguin, an octopus, a dog, a sea otter, and a rabbit) live underwater in a mobile base called the Octopod and assist random sea life in solving problems that often threaten their safety.

Got that?

Now, a group of half-vegetable, half-animal creatures called Vegimals live with the Octonauts in the Octopod. The Vegimals are, of course, the cooks on board the Octopod, and are loved by the crew for their specialty, baked fish biscuits and kelp cakes.

Got that?

Sensibly, the Octonauts all speak English, though they do so with distinct accents. Captain Barnacles, the polar bear, speaks with an authoritative and measured British accent. Peso the penguin is the medic, and is a timid and often frightened character who speaks in something that might resemble a Spanish accent if you had never before heard anyone speaking with a Spanish accent. Professor Inkling, the octopus, is the founder of the Octonauts and speaks with an educated Oxford accent and is often found alone in the Octopod’s somehow extensive library.

The sea otter is named Dr. Shellington. He is a marine biologist who obviously hails from Scotland, and he is the only member of the crew that can understand Vegimalese, the name given to the gibberish that the veggie-animal mutants speak. Tweak, the rabbit, is a mechanic who is from the American South and says things like, “I’ll fix ‘er up faster than you can say ‘buncha munchy crunchy carrots.’” Daschii the dog is the IT officer and photographer. She speaks with a generic American accent and once got herself trapped in the stomach of a whale shark. She passed the time by taking pictures and not at all being liquefied by the creature’s stomach acid.

The final Octonaut is Kwazii the cat. He is a former pirate and, as proof of his previous life, he wears a black eye patch over his right eye. His grandfather was the infamous pirate Calico Jack, and Kwazii often finds himself pursuing treasures that had somehow escaped the grasp of his granddad. His catchphrase is “Shiver me whiskers” and, in spite of my efforts not to, I chuckle every time I hear him say it.

Somehow, when I watch this show with my daughters, I accept the basic premise of it, and I appreciate the fact that the girls learn something about sea creatures and perhaps grow to understand the importance of helping others, even complete strangers from different species, who are in need.

My problem is the cat. I can’t get past the fact that the cat is a pirate. It doesn’t make any sense. Vegimals? Enh. I can see how that might happen. A bookwormish octopus? Okay. That makes sense. A Scottish sea otter who works as a marine biologist? Well, he obviously has a personal interest in ensuring widespread health and harmony in the oceans.

But a pirate cat just goes too far for me. Save your implausible fantasy for someone else.